SATIRE: This is parody. Not a real news report.
LA JOYA — With early voting underway for the Nov. 3 election, five candidates are furiously campaigning for three La Joya ISD trustee seats in what political scientists are calling the most rigorous job interview in Texas for a position that legally cannot do anything.
The Texas Education Agency, which appointed a board of managers to run the district after confiscating the elected board’s gavel, confirmed that whoever wins will hold a four-year term during which they cannot vote, cannot hire, cannot spend, and cannot, under strict reading of the rules, board.
“It’s democracy as a required dress rehearsal,” said one TEA official in Austin, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was also not authorized to speak. “The law says you have to hold the election. The law does not say the board has to matter.”
Candidate Juan Luna Jr., who has yard signs, a website, and a firm handshake, says he’s running so he’ll be ready if local control ever returns. TEA does not expect a transition timeline until 2028 — meaning candidates are campaigning now for a job that will begin sometime after the term is half over.
“Those terms are four years,” Luna said, gesturing at a campaign sign featuring his face next to the slogan ‘Ready When Austin Is.’ “You don’t want to be caught unprepared in 2028 with no idea where the meetings would be held, if we ever get to hold them.”
At a candidate forum Tuesday, the five contenders fielded tough questions from voters, including “Can you at least fix the pothole near the administration building?” and “Is this a bit?” Each candidate responded with detailed plans for fiscal responsibility they will be unable to execute.
“I’ve prepared a 40-page budget proposal,” said one candidate, holding up the document, which under state intervention carries the same legal weight as a napkin. “I just think the managers should have it. For light reading.”
Election officials remind voters that turnout is important, because the winners will serve as an unpaid understudy to a state-appointed cast, watching from the audience of their own district until roughly the third year of their terms, when Austin may or may not mail permission.
“Every vote counts,” said Elections Administrator Lucy Treviño. “Technically. The votes will be counted. That part we guarantee.”
As of press time, one candidate had reportedly begun campaigning for the 2030 election as well, calling it “hedging my four-year maybe.”
