SATIRE: This is parody. Not a real news report.
HARLINGEN — After weeks of heavy rain generously refilled a Harlingen resaca that spent the summer as a scenic panorama of cracked earth, the newly formed Harlingen Resaca Restoration Project announced this week that it has completed step one of preserving the water: forming a committee that will form a nonprofit that will raise money that will fund a study that will determine whether the water currently sitting in the resaca is permitted to continue doing so.
“We want to be clear that nobody should get comfortable,” said a spokesperson for the group, which began when a 27-year resident of the bank started knocking on doors and assembled roughly 50 neighbors, each of whom was assigned a laminated role in the upcoming paperwork. “Yes, there are birds on the water. Yes, the turtles are back. But until an engineering study tells us the water is allowed to stay, those are technically trespassing birds. Very temporary birds. Legal placeholders.”
The resaca, which locals explained survives on leftover farm-irrigation runoff and rain drainage — a diet increasingly threatened by development eating the farmland that used to supply it — now finds itself in the unusual position of being full while everyone decides what full means.
Drainage District Attempts to Teach Drain Not to Drain
In the boldest move, Cameron County Drainage District Number 3 has joined the effort, becoming the first drainage district in recorded Valley history to assist a drain in learning how to stop draining. District officials stressed the process must be done correctly.
“Our mandate is drainage,” said a district engineer. “So before this resaca can hold water year-round, we need a hydrological study, an environmental impact study, and possibly a study on the studies. We can’t just let water sit there. That’s not how water works. There’s an order of operations.”
Under the current timeline, the nonprofit incorporation is expected by spring, the fundraising by next fall, and the water’s permission slip by approximately the next drought, at which point the study will determine whether the cracked earth was actually a fire road. Officials noted that if the resaca dries out again during the study period, that will simply make the findings easier to measure.
Neighbors along the bank remain hopeful, cautiously refilling their coffee mugs only after checking whether the coffee is allowed to stay.
